Judging the new starters from Pokemon Scarlet and Pokemon Violet on appearance alone
Three Pokemon stand before me...
Twitter was buzzing yesterday with the tease of the new Pokemon games. This is the 9th Generation of Pokemon games, and the series has come a long way in terms of its gameplay, design and animation. Having watched tonnes of gameplay footage from Pokemon Legends: Arceus, Sun & Moon and Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl, I’m almost jealous of kids these days for basically stepping into a whole world in three dimensions, a far cry from the 8-bit janky games of olde. Yes, I watch gameplay walkthroughs and playthroughs because I can’t be bothered playing myself. I remember losing my entire game in Crystal when I walked into a pitch black cave without Flash or an escape rope, and accidentally saved, unable to find my way out (RIP Bayleef). A hard restart is traumatic for an 8 year old and kids these days will never know the pain. The new region appears to be based on the Iberian Peninsula, which has a special place in my heart (go and read my Camino post!), so I am well and truly excited to see what designs they’ve come up with. In saying that, I want to judge the new starter Pokemon as any self respecting gay would - on appearance alone. Here goes…
Sprigatito
Ok - grass type is one of my favourite types. If you’re not familiar with Pokemon types and shit, grass is one of the worst - but in being one of the worst, it’s one of my favourites. I love a bad thing - bug type, grass type, poison type and ghost type. I just think Pokemon from those types have the cutest designs. Yes, the cutest designs - that’s all I care about. I almost died when I saw Rowlet from Sun and Moon. How dare a Pokemon be that cute! And I was so so so ready to feel the same way about Sprigatito… but nah… Sprigatito looks like a little bitch. I know that the designers are probably playing off the idea of the Iberian lynx, so I am intrigued to see what the final evolution looks like. But currently, Sprigatito looks like a wet lunch. Your starter is your companion for the whole first part of the game, and I really can’t see myself lugging this whiny little bitch around. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s just a green cat? It doesn’t seem imaginative. I wasn’t a fan of Litten for the same reason, but I feel like Litten had more personality in its design. Anyway, my verdict when it comes to Sprigatito is that it better evolve into an Iberian lynx that shoots bullet seeds out its bum, or else it’s not even worth considering.
Fuecoco
Now we’re getting somewhere! Fire is probably one of my least favourite types, but damn, this is a cutie! I love this baby crocodile design, and it seems so playful in a way that Sprigatito could never be. I love his little matchsticks-for-hair that stick up like Alfalfa’s doi-oi-oing from the Little Rascals. This also feels like a very balanced design, it’s pleasing on the eye. You can tell that he’s a baby because he only has three teeth and a little stub for a tail. The design speaks for itself. I think it would also be funny to see him fall over, with those stubby little legs, and those widdle T-Rex arms. I love the little nicotine patch on the belly, which is design continuity from Scorbunny. Thought went into this - you can tell. Please also appreciate this meme I posted to Twitter and got no love for. The Mean Girls gays get it.
Quaxly
We were not ready. I don’t think Nintendo set out to create a new gay icon, but they did. In fact, they created a Gay Legend™. They really did. The gays of Twitter have already adopted this Donald Duck lookalike as their starter of choice. I don’t even care what the final evolution looks like, I am picking Quaxly. It has the dumbest name, and that doesn’t even bother me. Quaxly is iconic. The flick of the wrist. The hand on the hip. The sailor hat/coif (either way it’s gay) and I am obsessed. I also love water type Pokemon, and I feel like water starters have been in the ghetto lately (I’m looking at you Popplio and Oshawott). I’m half expecting Quaxly to evolve into Coxly and Bukkaxly, and honestly I would be pleased if it did. Perfection.
Ultimately, whichever starter you choose is up to you. We all find different things cute. But if these were my options, Sprigatito would be released into the wild so I never have to see it again, Fuecoco would get at least a few seconds of consideration, but Quaxly - the queen, the legend, the icon - would be my pick. Hands. Down.